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This year, I hit a pretty mad milestone: over 10 years of coaching and consulting. It’s been a rollercoaster of listening to my clients, celebrating their wins, and guiding them towards success.
It's been a long time me listening to my clients, supporting my students, celebrating their successes, and giving advice. I genuinely love it, and it is the one part of my business that I will never be tired of.
I have experienced many benefits from a personal development perspective and also from a human side, growing and evolving as a person.
What I didn’t expect was just how much coaching hundreds of people over these years would teach me about becoming a better adviser.
Turns out, it’s an art form anyone can get good at - even if you’re not running a business.
👩🏫 Lesson of the week
I’ve always thought I was pretty decent at giving advice - until I started my business. Turns out, there’s a lot more to it than just handing out suggestions.
Advising is an art, and it’s one you need to keep working at. It’s not about knowing all the answers. It’s about asking the right questions and, most importantly, listening.
We’ve all been guilty of it—listening just to jump in with the “perfect” solution. But the truth is, when we listen without thinking about what we’re going to say next, the real connection happens.
When we want to feel 'useful', we go back to that idea of wanting to fill 'blank' spaces. When we listen for a sense of connection instead of thinking about "what should I say next" or "what can I add to this conversation", we do it without looking to add anything to the conversation, which is where the magic will happen.
When someone opens up, remember: it’s a delicate space. Don’t rush in with judgments or assumptions. Give them the chance to be vulnerable. Let them figure out the real issue they’re wrestling with, and guide them to their own solutions.
Listen without withholding judgement is also a crucial part of becoming better advisors. When people open the door of their confidence, tread carefully. You could jeopardise their trust by jumping too fast to a conclusion.
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How to Change the Way we See Advice
Early on, I had to get comfortable with the idea that advising wasn’t about me. The focus needed to shift entirely onto the person sitting across from me.
When you’re too eager to help, it can quickly become an ego boost—a moment to prove how much you know. But that’s not what they need. What they need is space. Space to think, to reflect, to open up.
Here’s what I’ve learned over the years:
Stay Curious: One of the things I thought would be most annoying about me is actually one of my biggest strengths, my relentless curiosity. It drives me to dig deeper and uncover what’s really going on. Curiosity doesn’t just get you more information; it helps the person in front of you feel truly heard. The more they share, the more they start uncovering their own answers, often without realising it.
Negative Space Matters: Ever notice how silence can feel uncomfortable? It’s in those moments of silence (what I like to call the negative space) that real breakthroughs happen. When you don’t rush to fill the silence with your own thoughts, you give the other person the chance to reflect. For some, that silence helps release emotions they’ve been holding onto. For others, it’s the first time they hear themselves say something out loud, and that in itself is a revelation.
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Deepening Relationships through Advising
This was a penny that dropped only when I started to change my relationship with advice: you’re not there to overwhelm your clients/students/team with information. You’re there to empower them to make better choices. Trust me, they’ll appreciate the simplicity more than a flood of suggestions.
The Power of Permission: Here’s something else that took me a while to figure out: asking permission to give advice is key. Instead of jumping in with solutions, I’ve learned to ask, “Do you want some ideas on how to improve the situation?” This tiny moment of permission changes everything. It respects their boundaries and, funny enough, makes them more receptive to what you have to say. People listen more when they’ve agreed to it.
Less Is More: It’s tempting to unload everything you know when someone comes to you for advice. But here’s the thing: the more you talk, the less they absorb. Instead, focus on giving them just one or two ideas - let them process that.
In the end, being a better adviser is about stepping back and realising that it’s not about you. It’s about holding space for the person in front of you to figure out their own next steps.
When you do that, you’re not just giving advice—you’re giving them the tools to navigate their own path with confidence.
🏫 Class in session
Our events season is back! And we kicked off with a fabulous Human Design workshop. Do you know your human design type? I am a projector - shocker, right?
Being a better adviser is like letting go of control and trusting the process. It’s about creating a space where people feel safe enough to dive deep, tap into their intuition, and make decisions that truly align with their gut.
And trust me—it’s a game-changer. Not just for them, but for you too. You learn how to handle your own emotions with a lot more grace, and that’s where the real growth happens.
Samuel Taylor Coleridge nailed it when he said:
"Advice is like snow—the softer it falls, the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper it sinks into the mind."
So, next time you’re asked for advice, take a breath. Hold the space. Let the other person guide the conversation. You’ll be amazed at what unfolds.
Always cheering you on,
Fab ✌️